A Few Loaves and a Couple of Fish

By Gwendolyn Davies

Here I am in the heart of Mexico, and some days I ask myself, "What am I doing here?"

God had confirmed for me in many ways his call to be involved in the task of Bible translation in Mexico, but there have been times in this past six months that I have not felt so sure I'm the one for the job. However, God continues to impress on me how great are his resources in the face of my inadequacies. (Read Mark 6:30-44, the story of feeding the five thousand with five loaves and two fish.)

The truth is I really can't do this (on my own), and the only things that are truly lasting and worthwhile in life are the things that God himself accomplishes. The mystery and the wonder is that he chooses to involve us in the process, as a master piano player would guide the fingers of a child over the keyboard to play a Chopin etude.

I find myself reflecting on the fact that God seems to have brought me full circle. It was in Mexico some years back that I experienced for the first time God answering prayer in a very real way in my life. It was a cool spring day in a small Mexican town in Baja. I was with a missions group that had come to do activities with the kids in a local church and then to help with the service that evening. I was tired. I was sick. I was a young woman with an attitude. Our small group of high school students gathered to pray. I was silent, but inside my heart cried out to God in frustration, one of those "I don't want to be here and I don't even want to ask you for help!" prayers that oozes up out of disgruntled desperation.

Five minutes later, I was astonished to discover that I was suddenly playing with those kids with gusto and loving it. My attitude had done a complete 180. And I knew it wasn't from inside of me. It had to be from God. The God of surprises had heard the cry of my heart, and he had answered. I had come to that church and to God, with nothing to give. And just as he had done with the disciples, he had taken the bitter loaves of my heart's offerings and multiplied them to feed a group of children eager for God's love.

And here I am in Mexico, a missionary, struggling through a whole new set of fears and doubts and feelings of inadequacy. It was good to reread Mark 6 and to be reminded of God's resources. How often, like Jesus' apostles, do we focus on the problems facing us instead of the divine resources we have in God! How often do we look at the limitations around us (and within us) and forget that there is a spiritual reality beyond what we can figure out with our heads.

Read Ephesians and look at how many times there are references to the "riches of Christ," the "riches of God's grace," the "fullness of Christ," etc. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21) This is the God who has called me here to Mexico, and who has called you to be a part of what he is doing here and around the world. Let's bring to him the loaves and fishes we have, and together we'll see what kind of a feast he will make of it!

back | next | close window